When life goes too fast…

…kick it in the nuts.

Watching for Watchmen

As some of you may know, I’ve begun to write for Evil Monito, an online journal that seeks to discuss contemporary pop culture in ways that challenges the methods and approach of traditional publications.  I recently did a small piece on Watchmen, a film that I’m sure most of the GDFHT’s readers are eagerly waiting for, which is quietly sneaking into theaters next week.  I sense Watchmen could be another Pulp Fiction, Boondock Saints, Taxi Driver, Memento, Fight Club–a movie with a cult following that will become an required __ of DVD collections everywhere.  I thought the discussion was significant enough to share with all of you who follow the Goodfight and I also posted some pictures I couldn’t included on EM.  Enjoy…

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When was the last time you watched a film that moved you so dramatically you could barely sleep?  In a little more than a week, the movie Watchmen is going to release in theaters all over the country.  The anticipation might have been muted by recent Oscar buzz but I have a feeling this movie has the potential to be the next Matrix–or the year’s biggest letdown.  You know why?  [Read the rest here.]

WTF 4

When you’re eating at the Bellagio, you need to do it right.  Plate 1: prime rib lightly doused in sauce, crab cake, two slices of smoked salmon, pork tenderloin, mushrooms tossed in garlic and butter, and finally: steamed asparagus.  I have other pictures but I’ll spare you the pain.

Do you know what has always baffled me?  Why the hell do people say they don’t want to eat asparagus because it makes their pee smell?  Wtf?  Did your pee smell any better before you ate asparagus?  I don’t like the way urine smells, whether I’ve eaten asparagus or whether I’ve eaten roses (and I’ve eaten roses before).  It doesn’t make a difference.  Pee smells.  Always.

And why are you smelling your pee anyways?  Don’t you hold your breath when you can anyways?  You know recently I’ve found myself in a pickle when it comes to breathing out of your mouth when you’re in the bathroom.  At a very early age I discovered that I could avoid the terrible stench of the school bathrooms by breathing through my mouth instead of my nose.  But it wasn’t until recently that someone informed me that part of the way you smell is through small particles of the object entering your nostrils.  That’s when my mind started connecting the dots and the horror started to build.  If that was true, I might not be smelling the urine and stool of countless people but instead sucking their residue straight into my mouth!!!  Wtffff?

So what do you do when you’re stuck in the bathroom from hell and you don’t have the capacity to hold your breath like a freakin’ whale?  One time I dropped a deuce that was downright evil and when I tried not to breathe until I stepped out the bathroom I damn near popped a blood vein.  It doesn’t work!  What’s the answer?  Are you doomed to simply pick your poison?  Someone needs to do a reputable study about the quantifiable effects of breathing in the smell of pee/poo through your nose vs. breathing it through your mouth.  God knows less practical studies have been performed.  Wtf.

Just When You Thought They Were Sleeping

They were not.

 A new commercial for Brand Jordan.  Even if you have no interest in basketball it’s worth a peek.  Great use of camera angles, music, and sound effects make you feel like you’re on a battlefield rather than a court.  View it here.  [Via Motionographer]

It Does A Body Good

So apparently I’ve been hearing recently that milk actually doesn’t.  Statements like these hurt me.  Do you mean to tell me that years of Got Milk? ads, Does A Body Good commercials, and general family legend have all been lies?

“Dude,” my friend told me, “milk isn’t made for humans.”  ”What the hell are you talking about?” I was about ready to kick him in the face.  ”It’s for calfs.  For baby cows.  If you want to drink milk you should be drinking breast milk.  That’s for humans.”  ”You need to stop now.  That is so wrong.”  ”But even breast milk is only for children–not adults.  There’s a reason you stop once you get old enough.  You don’t need it.  You don’t need milk.”  I could feel the very fabric of the universe slowly tearing.  ”I hate you.  Stop ruining my life.”

So in light of this revelation: all you need to get through the average Los Angeles day.

These drinks’ existence are probably somewhat contradictory.  But I love them both equally.  Like precious children.  I’m sorry this post has absolutely nothing do with anything of consequence.