WTF 4

When you’re eating at the Bellagio, you need to do it right.  Plate 1: prime rib lightly doused in sauce, crab cake, two slices of smoked salmon, pork tenderloin, mushrooms tossed in garlic and butter, and finally: steamed asparagus.  I have other pictures but I’ll spare you the pain.

Do you know what has always baffled me?  Why the hell do people say they don’t want to eat asparagus because it makes their pee smell?  Wtf?  Did your pee smell any better before you ate asparagus?  I don’t like the way urine smells, whether I’ve eaten asparagus or whether I’ve eaten roses (and I’ve eaten roses before).  It doesn’t make a difference.  Pee smells.  Always.

And why are you smelling your pee anyways?  Don’t you hold your breath when you can anyways?  You know recently I’ve found myself in a pickle when it comes to breathing out of your mouth when you’re in the bathroom.  At a very early age I discovered that I could avoid the terrible stench of the school bathrooms by breathing through my mouth instead of my nose.  But it wasn’t until recently that someone informed me that part of the way you smell is through small particles of the object entering your nostrils.  That’s when my mind started connecting the dots and the horror started to build.  If that was true, I might not be smelling the urine and stool of countless people but instead sucking their residue straight into my mouth!!!  Wtffff?

So what do you do when you’re stuck in the bathroom from hell and you don’t have the capacity to hold your breath like a freakin’ whale?  One time I dropped a deuce that was downright evil and when I tried not to breathe until I stepped out the bathroom I damn near popped a blood vein.  It doesn’t work!  What’s the answer?  Are you doomed to simply pick your poison?  Someone needs to do a reputable study about the quantifiable effects of breathing in the smell of pee/poo through your nose vs. breathing it through your mouth.  God knows less practical studies have been performed.  Wtf.

This makes me so unspeakably angry.

Sometimes I hate Hollywood.  They took something special to me and bastardized it.  And whoever thought of “modernizing” the story should be taken to the back and stabbed repeatedly with a spoon.  The same should be done with whoever is heading up the Streetfighter Legend of Chun-Li picture.  Good lord that is going to be so bad.  I’m about ready to go Christian Bale on somebody’s ass.

When dealing with something created in another culture or time several things need to be kept in mind:

1. Some things do not translate over languages and cultures.  American “My Sassy Girl” was a bad idea.  When you change the cultural context you can potentially lose an essential part of the subject’s soul.  Especially when you “Americanize” it.  And we wonder why the international community hates us.

2. Treat the subject with respect or leave it alone.  Respect the author’s original intentions.  Respect the original designs.  Respect the audience’s nostalgia.  Things are the way they are for a reason.  There are times when you can’t take creative license over something just because you think you know what would be “cooler.”  Understand that line.  Using present day cars and changing the design of Optimus Prime in Transformers was fine because it still held true to the general design (and it might have been weirder to shift everything back to the 80’s) and the transforming sequences kicked ass.  Putting a mouth on him was not.  Who ok’d that?  The facemask is part of what makes him infinitely more hard than Megatron.  Giving him lips made me think of James Earl Jones everytime he talked.  Don’t ask why.

3. Don’t change characters’ ethnicities.  That’s disrespectful*.

4. Since we’re on the subject of ethnicity, don’t put in random people of other ethnicities who never existed in the original story just because you want to be “fair.”  There is no affirmative action in the recreation of someone else’s world.  It just makes things look weird, corny, and fake.  I’m all for equal representation but I would never cast an asian in a Viking movie.  Neither would I cast a black knight.  There were no black knights during medieval times.  Nor were there white samurais (cough, cough).

I wish more artists produced movies–not just big suits looking to make a quick buck off an uneducated audience.

*I know, Goku technically isn’t even human, but his character was definitely meant to look Japanese–or at least asian.

WTF 3

If you had any lingering doubt that Vegas has any interests besides sucking the common man dry take a good long look.  Welcome to the UNLV parking lot, where you can find meters at the handicap spaces.  What in the hell is going on here?

Upon closer inspection, you do find some stipulations which means if you have a UNLV handicap permit you don’t have to feed the meter.  This would have been marginally understandable if there were only a couple handicap spots and they needed to be a little more selective with who they provided services to.  But there were like ten of them there!  I’ve never seen so many handicap spaces side by side in my life!  Last time I checked, a handicap space is a handicap space no matter where you park.  There is a reason handicap spaces exist.

You know what gets me the most?  Doesn’t it always suck when you go to a parking lot and there are no empty spots except for the handicap space?  And you come to this parking lot all the time and never once seen anyone in the handicap spot?  It just seems like a cottamn waste, doesn’t it?  Check out the spot that no one can ever use.  Well come to UNLV and check out the ten spots that are always empty.  The ten spots that even regular handicap people can’t even use if they don’t have a UNLV specific permit.  That’s pretty messed up.  Oh, there’s a handicap space!  Oh, you actually have to feed the meter–sucker!

You suck, Vegas.  WTF.

WTF 2

I was swinging by the shop Wednesday for some last minute shots of the 3sixteen x Sabrevision shades for an upcoming lookbook.  One of Ian’s (founder/owner of El Mercado) buddies Josiah stopped by with a pie from his dad’s pizza joint (Z Pizza) and a sixer of the most amazing brew I’ve ever laid eyes on.  Greatest.  Name.  Ever.  If you like dark lager, it’s not half bad.

WTF, Sylmar?

Wtf, Sylmar? Why would you have any need for a traffic signal button that ridiculously high? I’ve wracked my brain for the possibilities but can find no moral reason for such a feature. Call me sheltered but I haven’t seen any trees crossing the street recently. Yao Ming and Shawn Bradley are miles away in Texas. Andre the Giant is dead.

Look at the one on this side. I don’t see how any person on the street for any reason would reach that height. A bike? No. Rollerblades? No. Segway? Hell no. Even on those ridiculous things you still have to stretch up to press the button. This is not ergonomic. This is not built for the handicapped. It’s built for the freakishly huge. The only feasible explanation is that Sylmar has been secretly harboring a Sasquatch population…and is supporting them with a backdoor infrastructure development program that’s been slowly siphoning the state treasury with genius public installments like these traffic buttons…which is why the CA government is nearing bankruptcy. You have to think bigger picture, brother. That’s the only way this damn thing works. Or doesn’t.

Why? Why? Why?